Random Realization

Last night, I was shopping online for dinner plates and ran across this image*:



We've probably all seen similar descriptions before, but sometimes I am struck by how many times, in so many little ways, people of color are reminded that "white," in terms of race, is presumed to be the default or that white people are presumed not to "have" race in the same ways that we are.

We are "other" and the constant reinforcement of that is tiring.

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*The image is of two bride-and-groom ornaments. The first, depicting a white couple, is labeled "Bride and Groom Ornament." The second, depicting a black couple, is labeled "African American Bride and Groom Ornament."

Things Seen 14

It may seem that I talk a lot about how products geared for children reinforce and perpetuate ideas instilled by living under the kyriarchy, but, damn, I'm continually astounded.

We were shopping for summer clothes. My son, avowed lover of graphic shirts, thought this was funny:





I told him I didn't like it, then tried to explain why.*

"He's saying his sister is so annoying, he was happy she was kidnapped."

He understood that part, but the back took a little more.

"This is based on a stereotype that girls and women talk a lot, that their talk is annoying, and that what they say isn't important."

A debate ensued, which he began with, "Mama... some girls do talk a lot."

He kept looking at the shirts, then said, "You are really not going to like this one!"






He was, of course, right.**
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*Sorry for the (camera phone) picture quality. The shirt says "The Flying Monkeys Stole My Sister... But They Brought Her Back for TALKING TOO MUCH."

**The front of the shirt features a smiling boy holding duct tape. "I have no idea where my sister is," he says. On the sleeve is his unsmiling sister, restrained with the duct tape.

Things Seen 13

You know, I can't decide which perturbs me more.

1) The fact that someone thought this quote was plaque-worthy.

2) The fact that I was shopping for apothecary jars in a store that would sell these.

3) The fact that quite a few of them had been purchased!

Things Seen 12

Procured by mrs. o during her countryside travels:



A few incomplete musings (I should probably duck and cover):

1) The pro-choice position is not about demanding the termination of any and every pregnancy.

2) As mrs. o appended to her e-mail, these are not the times of Mary and Joseph, for many of us. Part of being pro-choice is about working towards and respecting women's autonomy. What autonomy did Mary have? She is primarily revered for having been a "vessel."

Her worth was tied up in her virginity--if her unmarried pregnancy had been found out she could have been killed; she was no longer a desirable marriage prospect.

Even carrying a pregnancy that, in the words of Sojourner Truth, man had nothing to do with, Mary found her baby's ancestry traced through her husband and her husband named the baby.

3) One of the things that people who are pro-choice advocate is strong support systems for pregnant women so that a full range of CHOICES are open to women. A literal interpretation of the story of Mary's pregnancy reveals that she, as a girl described as humble and devout, had the support that she would've considered most important--that of her God. Plus, Mary had internal insulation from the slut-shaming that complicates many teenagers' pregnancies.

4) The logic behind the question on the marquee is faulty:

a. It is based on the comparison of Mary with other teenaged girls who have
unexpected pregnancies. Yes, Mary was young, with an unplanned pregnancy, and could have faced death. That last factor cannot be overstated. But Mary had a kind of support (see #3) many girls don't. Because the angel appeared to Joseph as well, she also had the protection of being married before her pregnancy was apparent.

b. Emmanuel Baptist Church uses the argument to "rebuke" pro-choicers and claim that EBC is supportive of "life." But it is who they don't rebuke that demonstrates, again, that the pro-life position is one that is not so much centered on "protecting life," but on regulating how women express their sexuality and how they reproduce. If church members care so much about life, why don't they, when using Mary as an example, critique the society in which she lived--one that would have killed her and ended her pregnancy as well? Especially when that is a danger many women still face.

c. It doesn't work as well if you substitute other parents. I shouldn't say it, but I thought it, and according to my mother, it's the same. Seriously, plug in the names of the parents of someone you believe is truly evil.

Things Seen 11

Some people, for lack of a more accurate, clever phrase, really need to get a life or a clue.

My son and three of my nephews were watching Nickelodeon videos on youtube. I sent them scattering to straighten up my mom's room, the preferred location for video gaming. They left youtube open. My dad and I were in the kitchen, when all of a sudden, we hear "Taps" playing

"What in the world were they watching?" my dad asked.

"I have no idea."

"That is a sad, sad song," he said.

I gave some little noncommital agreement, then went back to cooking. I asked him was it only played at funerals and he said, "Oh, no. Sometimes when you get back from a battle, they play it in honor of those who died. It's especially hard on you when it's a good friend. I got so very tired of hearing that song in Vietnam."

I never think about things triggering my largely stoic dad, but this song had done it. After he went into the living room, I came to the computer to see what the kids could've been listening to that would've included the song. They had it on a Nickelodeon playlist.

The video was called "RIP Nickelodeon 1979-2004." Apparently, whoever posted the video was grievously upset by the decline in quality of Nickelodeon programming.

So upset, that not only did s/he inappropriately use "Taps," s/he likened the decline to rape.

Yes, you heard correctly; offering poor programming = rape.

The exact words:

There once was a time were [sic] a kids network channel awesome... Until it was raped and ruined... by these assholes...

At which point, the offenders are listed.

The belittlement and misappropriation of the word and the meaning of such a violent act make me both furious and frustrated.

There are no comparisons to be made--rape is like nothing else. It isn't funny, it isn't some rare occurrence that women largely makeup.

My point is, it is not something that we should be casual about.

And it is most definitely NOT like the alleged decline in Nickelodeon's programming.

Things Seen 10

Images sent to mrs. o by her cousin.

Is anyone else crawling under a rock until November?

I have no definite plans yet for if he wins.

Things Seen 9

My "Things Seen" series might lead y'all to believe that I never run across anything good. Actually, I saw something really cute last night.

My niece and I just took down her braids:



And I told her...


..."Awww, you like a brown Heat Miser!!"

Things Seen 8

Went shopping to find some bug-related, science-y stuff for an event at my son's school. Check out the science kits I saw.

First, did you know boys and girls require different science kits? Designed to appeal to their natural, scientific interests?


And while the "boy's" kit promises to boost your brain...


...the "girl's" kit promise to relax you and let you experiment with different fragrances.



The boy's box is also covered with words like "go wild" and "erupt" and "blow your mind,"while the only thing that promises to be exciting about the girl's is the foaming and frothing of bubbles.

I had two ideas in the store. 1) Wow, what nice, shiny new wrapping for the very old active boy/passive girl stereotype. In addition to the wording I described above, the girl's kit is "jam-packed with over 18 soothing activities" while the boy's is "jam-packed with over 18 hair-raising activities." 2) They really think girls hate/are averse to science--notice that, while the boy's kit is outright labeled "totally funky science," the girl's masquerades as "totally glamorous spa kit."

But don't worry, a bubble on the girl's box reassures us, "It's REAL chemistry."

Things Seen 7

Part of the flyer for "Freedom Week" at my son's school:


Firstly (what an ugly word!), I don't think they're teaching the kids anything about what freedom means, beyond U.S.A. = Freedom. Of course I want my child to be able to analyze and deconstruct that with his eyes closed. And I'm frightened to think about how patriotism will be defined.

Secondly, I'm bothered because despite my largely-wordless-but-obvious sarcasm, my son wants to participate. That's how most kids are--they want to do what other kids around them are going to do. That's why people who brush off objections to school prayer and recitation of the pledge are clueless (or don't give a damn)--it doesn't matter if you say kids don't have to participate, they don't want to stand out like that. My saying, "Patriotism and freedom are not about wrapping yourself in some colors," has absolutely no effect now.

Finally, "Freedom Week" is the week after Spetember 11. How many more ways can a legitimate tragedy be milked of all meaning to 1) make a political statement and 2) demand false displays of nationalism?

I know there are some things I have to accept, living in the South (and as I told my Texas students, you joined the Confederacy, you are at least partially southern :-), but damn, this is ridiculous.
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P.S. What does it mean, to "support the flag?" That was strange to me.

Things Seen Six

We went to Hollywood Video on Saturday--my son proclaimed it family movie night. We don't even have a DVD player--he broke the one that was on the TV in my bedroom over a year ago and I'm not much of a TV/movie-at-home fan.* There are very few movies that I want to see more than once, so I don't by DVDs at all. I have a Netflix account for documentaries and the like to show clips to my class.

Netflix is actually one of the reasons I agreed to go--I've had a couple of episodes of "The West"** in queue for weeks and, while the site says "available now," the Netflix gods keep sending stuff further down the queue. This week, I'm lecturing on the Gilded Age, including westward expansion and the wholesale screw-over of Native Americans, and hoped Hollywood Video might have something. They didn't.

All that to say, as my son and I walked around the new releases wall, I saw "The Other Boleyn Girl." I knew Alex liked it and the store recommended it. In fact, here is the recommendation:



Yes, after that, I immediately wanted to grab it... or a WWE video.
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*He reasoned that we could gather 'round the laptop screen. I guess I'll have to buy a DVD player eventually, sigh. And new TVs--the one that used to be in my living room is a 27-inch one my sister and I bought at a pawn shop in 1996. In our last apartment, we just said fuck it and had no living room TV. I pulled out the old trusty for the move, but I don't even have the cable box hooked to it yet.

**I'm sorry, as drama-rama as it is, I love Ken Burns's "The Civil War" series, and while I don't adore "The West," it serves the purpose.

Things Seen Five

I wrote a variety of comments about this and then deleted each one.

I guess, all I wanted to say is, is this really necessary?

Things Seen 4

Sometimes, when I'm in pure procrastination mode, I get to clicking the "next blog" button on the blogger navigation bar. Last night, I ran across this on a blog post about "funny ads."



So, I did a little research and found this ad listed on the Ads of the World site that features "the best and most interesting creative work worldwide."

Yes, indeed.

Somewhere, I'm sure, someone had a good intention. But the execution of said intention leaves MUCH to be desired. Here is the logic behind the ad:

Men in Czech Republic consume the most beer in all of the Europe. Unfortunately, the beer changes many of them into aggressors upon arriving home. In order to stop this domestic alco-violence, we redesigned the trademark beer mugs of our client Bernard brewery to preventatively warn its beer drinkers to not lose control over their drinking.

Because the one thing that will stop a drunken abuser is having already had his fist pressed to a woman's face all night.

This feels like a ready made excuse to me--"Honey, you know how I get when I drink. That's not the real me." People always search for ways to rationalize and justify men who are assumed to be "good" except for that little abusive streak.

I don't think beer "changes" you. I know there are people who are exceptionally mean when they drink, and I know alcohol can exacerbate a situation, but abusers don't need validation for one of their most common ways of shifting responsibility for their actions.

Besides, I think the post on which I found the ad says a lot--I get the creepy feeling lots of people would find this mug funny, a sort of kitschy/novelty item, a "ha-ha, you get to punch that bitch over and over!"

Something else I thought about upon seeing the picture? Her bland, semi-smile does little to communicate how devastating someone's fist to the middle of your face can be.

Things Seen 3

The gods of the Lone Star State are apparently still miffed that I left so abruptly last year. In February, I got caught in an unexpected snowstorm in north Texas. Yesterday, trying to fly into Houston--on a plane about the size of my bathroom, approximately--we got diverted because of the rain and sat on the Beaumont tarmac for 2.5 hours. Couldn't get off the plane or anything because apparently the word "airport" in Beaumont means "fueling station only." I was supposed to reach my final destination a little after seven. Got here after midnight.

But I'm alive and well. Just changed my return flight through Houston to an earlier one, but might be stuck again because of storms. Wish me well.

Now, back to the picture. While waiting in the puddle-jumping crop duster in Beaumont, I noticed that shirt on one of my fellow entrapees. The top, which you probably can read, says "Hooters Guide to Good Hunting." The words are wrapped lovingly around the curvalicious body of a barely-clothed brunette. Her full breasts seem poised to escape the questionable restraint of her mini-Hooters tube top. She, herself, is all a-straddle a deer.

And the hunting guide, emblazoned below the form of naughty-white-girl-rides-big-buck?

"Find one with a big rack and mount it."

Things Seen 2

Things Seen

My son likes graphic shirts. Here are some that I've unfortunately stumbled upon as I shopped for him.




And while shopping for my almost-seven-month-old niece, this onesie, because it's never too soon to begin perfecting your snappy retorts.