Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Makeup Remover

Ok, this is a post that is guaranteed to help you find a pain-free way to remove waterproof eye makeup. You see, using soap based products and cleansers carries the threat of stinging and using vaseline and the like leaves a greasy residue that's hard to get off (without the soap based products and cleansers). I've discovered a way that works every time.

First, get a semi-decent arch like so:

Then, get a really cute, cropped green jacket and cami with brown gauchos outfit, courtesy of my favorite, Lane Bryant (sorry guys, jacket got left in the car, but trust me, too cute):

Just because you want to make the kids late for school, take time to coordinate your eye color to your outfit (trust me, there are some really cute browns and greens in this). Make sure, if you're an eyelash puller like me, you use a nice dark eyeliner (which I forgot as the kids were on the verge of being late) so your lashline doesn't look so darned bare:

Go to work. Accept compliments. Immediately afterwards, when your head is throbbing and your stomach is growling, eschew going to the library as planned. Go straight home. Open the hall closet, eye the makeup removers there. Say "To hell with it!!"

Now, here's the important part:

Fall onto your bed, rife with exhaustion (you, not your bed, for all you clause-watchers out there). Lie on one side of your face and sleep so soundly that you don't move for a couple of hours. When you get up, I GUARANTEE the eye makeup on that one side of your face will be gone (and no, I am not taking a picture of that!). Of course, so will the spotlessness of your pillow case, but who cares?

At least one of your eyes will be saved that damned stinging!

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Revelations and ruminations from one southern sistorian...