...or is it backdated? As in dragged into some era from decades ago. Anyway, I don't feel the usual smugness and self-righteousness as I mutter, "I told you so." Yep, the state legislature voted to make abortion illegal. And, because we weak, fickle women really have no idea of what we're doing and no business deciding what goes on with our bodies, it's not us who will "get into trouble" for having an abortion--it's the doctor who provides it. Not that any South Dakota doctor does.
But, hey! This gives South Dakota women opportunities they never dreamed of. They can now prolong their rapists' (or their uncles' or fathers' or whatever) assault on their bodies. They can learn more about their reproductive organs as they navigate those clothes hangers through sensitive territory. They can develop new tolerance for pain as they douche with caustic substances. They can experiment with drugs and herbs in never-before imagined combinations. And, most importantly, the silly ninnies may learn that doing something as offensive as CHOOSING TO HAVE AND ENJOY SEX without the goal of reproduction will result in an 18+ year "punishment."
***Damn, I forgot we were still pretending this was about protection and not punishment.***
I mean, the opportunities just boggle the mind!
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Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Validating My Math Ability... or Not
Here's a little quiz that I have to accompany with a poignant, meaningful story. But since I didn't have time to write one, I'll include another modest tale of my all-around brilliance.
I am a writer... a person who loves the ways words feel and sound and look and link. In writing the dissertation, I'll agonize for hours over a sentence or a word choice--which is a big part of why I'm usely left with so much to do in so little time. My favorite subjects have always been English and literature and history. Funny thing is, on standardized tests (back when I had to take 'em), I tended to perform just as well in math. This, despite the fact that my performance in math classes resulted in many dreaded "Bs." Eventually, I grudgingly admitted that I sorta liked math. I could see how it could be interesting. And now, facing the perpetual poverty of a history professor, I wish someone would have encouraged me to do more than speed through my math homework so I could read or begin a dozen unfinished romance novels.
I was glad to know I hadn't forgotten everything. But science? Lord, science!
And I was kidding earlier--I'll take words over numbers any day.
I am a writer... a person who loves the ways words feel and sound and look and link. In writing the dissertation, I'll agonize for hours over a sentence or a word choice--which is a big part of why I'm usely left with so much to do in so little time. My favorite subjects have always been English and literature and history. Funny thing is, on standardized tests (back when I had to take 'em), I tended to perform just as well in math. This, despite the fact that my performance in math classes resulted in many dreaded "Bs." Eventually, I grudgingly admitted that I sorta liked math. I could see how it could be interesting. And now, facing the perpetual poverty of a history professor, I wish someone would have encouraged me to do more than speed through my math homework so I could read or begin a dozen unfinished romance novels.
| You Passed 8th Grade Math |
 Congratulations, you got 10/10 correct! |
I was glad to know I hadn't forgotten everything. But science? Lord, science!
And I was kidding earlier--I'll take words over numbers any day.
Monday, February 27, 2006
Ugh!
I'm back. I'm tired.
But, I did get to see my sugar baby, my only goddaughter (I have 2 godsons) and J's baby girl. We call her Belle--and after having her continually rebuff me this weekend, I've written the following appropriate poem:
Belle, Belle,Not much else to be said for that girl. Don't let that smile fool you--never has a three year old possessed such a split personality. In a space of five minutes, she can move from cuddling with me and saying, "I want my godmama," to snatching away and screaming, "No," if I touch her.
Mean as hell
By the way, after this last sojourn, I may never drive again. Good night!
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Rest In Peace
This morning, my beloved J--cousin and friend extraordinaire--lost her father. He'd fought valiantly against cancer, seen it go into remission and come back. In a so-unlike-her, gravelly, sad voice, she called this morning and said, quite simply, "My daddy passed." And, because, I love her so, all I could say was, "J, J, J."
I can't even imagine.
I can't even imagine.
Update: I'll be traveling out of town today until Sunday for the funeral. I probably won't be able to log on, so I'll see you all soon! I may enable comment moderation until I get back.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
On Religion
I've spent much of my life in the Baptist church. First, a small rural one and now one that is one building and a few more rich members away from being a mega church. I complain, often, about the attacks on "non-submissive" women, the rampant homophobia, and my distrust of some oily pastors. But, thanks to the guilt a lifetime of Sunday School instilled in me and, to be fair, because I am thoroughly invested in call-and-response, gospel, and vibrant services, I still meekly attend. And, when it comes right down to it, I have an unshakeable faith in Christ and the tenets of Christianity.
But more and more, I'm believing religion--in our time--is often little more than a sanctified veil for bigotry. It makes people feel good to be able to rationalize and act on their hatred for others with the "word of God." The last sermon I heard seemed little more than degradation, prejudice, and judgment of eternal damnation sprinkled liberally with Bible verses.
That's been bothering me for a while now and Sunday just amplified it. No bright conclusion here--I have yet to figure it all out.
But more and more, I'm believing religion--in our time--is often little more than a sanctified veil for bigotry. It makes people feel good to be able to rationalize and act on their hatred for others with the "word of God." The last sermon I heard seemed little more than degradation, prejudice, and judgment of eternal damnation sprinkled liberally with Bible verses.
That's been bothering me for a while now and Sunday just amplified it. No bright conclusion here--I have yet to figure it all out.
White Lesbian Feminists on a Mission
Well, Shawna, author of Lesbianizing the Black Woman stopped by and directed me to a thread she thought I'd love. (wink-wink) Authored by the Cocoa Lounge's Strongblackman, it is entitled The White, Lesbian Feminist Culture and It's Impact on the Black Man, Woman and Child. Apparently (I love that word, y'all, sorry), evil white lesbian feminists are responsible for all the intra-racial gender conflicts--and, well, just about any other conflicts--that African Americans experience. The crux of his argument:
1. The reality of life for many black men in the period after Reconstruction was that their attempts to enter the public realm and demand equality, justice, a fair share of public expenditures, and just about anything else for black communities met with beating, lynching, disfranchisement, imprisonment and other negative consequences. According to historians Glenda Gilmore (Gender and Jim Crow), Stephanie Shaw (What a Woman Ought to Be and Do) and Deborah Gray White (Too Heavy a Load), black women had to step forward to try to get what they could (often, they had to build their own educational, health, and service institutions) for their communities and to "defend the race." And, no, this was not based on some inherent weakness of black men, but rather, on the threat he represented to white male supremacy.
2. So, black women spent decades being the public "face" of the race,( see Paula Giddings When and Where I Enter and Gray White again). Then, in the 1920s, two figures emerged to further challenge white male supremacy--the New (white) Woman and the New Negro (man). Black men positioned themselves to do more of the "race work" black women prided themselves on. According to Gray White, this is where some of the tension between black men and black women began--black women weren't willing to simply step aside and let the New Negro "handle" it.
3. Skipping ahead (this is a blog after all and this is way too long), to the freedom movements of the 1950s and 1960s. Charles Payne (I've Got the Light of Freedom) argues that while the "big" leaders and mobilizers of the CRM were men, it was women who did the everyday, grassroots organizing. Here is another source of tension between black women and men--the world knew all about the Dr. King's, the Rev. Abernathy's, the Medgar Evers's, etc, but no one knew of Ella Baker and Septima Clark and Diane Nash. Why were black women hidden during the movement? It wasn't white feminists who changed the meaning of the movement--it was black men. See, to many black women's understanding, according to Gray White, Elsa Barkley Brown, and Stephanie Shaw, the work for race and the work for gender couldn't be separated--to do so created a false dichotomy. But black men acccepted white men's notion that their "freedom" was predicated on their dominance over black women. They turned the CRM into a movement not about black freedom but about black male freedom--hence all the comments about women "coming home" and helping by "having babies" and "staying prone." Black and white women activists felt betrayed and formed their own movements for freedom.
4. Finally, it is ridiculous to assert that black women have been misled and deceived by white feminists. It is unfair to white feminists for obvious reasons I won't get into. Instead I'll say why it's unfair to black women--we are not mindless and it ignores the many years of protest by all women of color that the "women's movement" was narrow and exclusionary. Black women had different concerns and different issues. And as the historians I've named pointed out, we are quite adept at building our own movements and institutions.
Believe it or not, we can think for ourselves.
The woman's lib movement came out at that time to cause distraction to the legitimate black movement.Who else indeed? I am proud to be able to rely on historiography and not strictly personal bias (for once) to challenge this argument. And to be fair, a number of people at the Cocoa Lounge challenged him, too. Here goes.
As a result, where black women, who had come "home" to her man and family saw race as a primary focus in our salvation, the women's lib movement tricked, cajoled, seduced her into thinking that MEN were the problem. NOT white men, but men. Subconsciously, this surplanting into the brains of black women caused a rift in her collective, community, black thinking, creating a more individualized, self-centered, narrow-minded thinking.
Since men, black men by default are the enemy, instead of working with us, she became an enemy, joining the open and obvious enemy.
We began to hear the talk of "I don't need a man", a common philosophy ranted by the white woman. This was the common mantra of the [whitewoman's] feminist movement, which became the new ideological expression of woman's lib. Furthermore, who else would plant the seeds of such an outrage if not a lesbian?
1. The reality of life for many black men in the period after Reconstruction was that their attempts to enter the public realm and demand equality, justice, a fair share of public expenditures, and just about anything else for black communities met with beating, lynching, disfranchisement, imprisonment and other negative consequences. According to historians Glenda Gilmore (Gender and Jim Crow), Stephanie Shaw (What a Woman Ought to Be and Do) and Deborah Gray White (Too Heavy a Load), black women had to step forward to try to get what they could (often, they had to build their own educational, health, and service institutions) for their communities and to "defend the race." And, no, this was not based on some inherent weakness of black men, but rather, on the threat he represented to white male supremacy.
2. So, black women spent decades being the public "face" of the race,( see Paula Giddings When and Where I Enter and Gray White again). Then, in the 1920s, two figures emerged to further challenge white male supremacy--the New (white) Woman and the New Negro (man). Black men positioned themselves to do more of the "race work" black women prided themselves on. According to Gray White, this is where some of the tension between black men and black women began--black women weren't willing to simply step aside and let the New Negro "handle" it.
3. Skipping ahead (this is a blog after all and this is way too long), to the freedom movements of the 1950s and 1960s. Charles Payne (I've Got the Light of Freedom) argues that while the "big" leaders and mobilizers of the CRM were men, it was women who did the everyday, grassroots organizing. Here is another source of tension between black women and men--the world knew all about the Dr. King's, the Rev. Abernathy's, the Medgar Evers's, etc, but no one knew of Ella Baker and Septima Clark and Diane Nash. Why were black women hidden during the movement? It wasn't white feminists who changed the meaning of the movement--it was black men. See, to many black women's understanding, according to Gray White, Elsa Barkley Brown, and Stephanie Shaw, the work for race and the work for gender couldn't be separated--to do so created a false dichotomy. But black men acccepted white men's notion that their "freedom" was predicated on their dominance over black women. They turned the CRM into a movement not about black freedom but about black male freedom--hence all the comments about women "coming home" and helping by "having babies" and "staying prone." Black and white women activists felt betrayed and formed their own movements for freedom.
4. Finally, it is ridiculous to assert that black women have been misled and deceived by white feminists. It is unfair to white feminists for obvious reasons I won't get into. Instead I'll say why it's unfair to black women--we are not mindless and it ignores the many years of protest by all women of color that the "women's movement" was narrow and exclusionary. Black women had different concerns and different issues. And as the historians I've named pointed out, we are quite adept at building our own movements and institutions.
Believe it or not, we can think for ourselves.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
I Mean, She Sorta Deserved It
Apparently, there's a negative correlation between sexual activity and traumatization. From the NY Times:
Surprised? C'mon! This is a logical ruling in light of our long-held belief that only "virgins" can be raped and only "strangers" are rapists. This court just made a valid theoretical extension.
And anyway, I don't think it's Italy's highest court that we should be most worried about.
ITALY: NONVIRGINITY LESSENS SEX ABUSE CHARGE, COURT SAYS Sexually abusing a teenager is a less serious crime if the girl is not a virgin, Italy's highest court said in a ruling. The court ruled in favor of a man who forced his 14-year-old stepdaughter to have oral sex with him and appealed a prison sentence of 40 months, arguing that the fact that the girl had had sex with other men should have been taken into consideration at his trial as a mitigating factor. The court agreed, saying that because of the victim's previous sexual experiences, her "personality, from a sexual point of view," was more developed and that therefore the damage to her was less than if she had been a virgin. The decision, which drew a barrage of criticism, opened the way for the stepfather to get a lighter sentence. (REUTERS)
Surprised? C'mon! This is a logical ruling in light of our long-held belief that only "virgins" can be raped and only "strangers" are rapists. This court just made a valid theoretical extension.
And anyway, I don't think it's Italy's highest court that we should be most worried about.
On Second Thought
Maybe I am shallow. I have a post that I wrote in response to another blog's post on the "dangers" of black men "turning" black women into lesbians. However, the post doesn't set just right on my blog--something init makes the sidebar shift to the bottom of the page. Instead of posting it and saying sidebar be damned, I'm trying to figure out the problem.
After all, I want everyone to see the sidebar so they'll know about me.
After all, I want everyone to see the sidebar so they'll know about me.
Update: I really am smart! The post is below!
The Lesbianization Peril
The insomnia is at work again. And since it leaves my brain too frazzled to do any "real" work, I am simply surfing the blogosphere. I just found a blog oriented towards black readers at cocoalounge.org. I'd never heard of it, so I thought I'd go explore. A few minutes into, I found a post entitled Lesbianizing the Black Woman. In case you thought it was getting better, I'm here to let you know that homophobia is still apparently alive and well in black communities.
The author of this post begins by sharing a story of some woman's discontent w/Elise Neal's provocative pose with another woman for King magazine (got that?). This picture is symbolic of black men's attempts to "lesbianize" black females. The author agrees with this brilliant analysis. She warns us that this trend is going to bite men on the butt as they "turn" sisters lesbian--her insightful question: "If women start taking more to women than to men, who then will these men be with?" Her warning is based on keen personal observation:
OK, aside from the blatant anti-gay tone, the "warning" that straight black females are on the verge of becoming endangered, the belief that people can be "turned gay," the creation of some social "problem" from a picture that was designed to excite viewers, the presentation off questionable information to support the theory... well, there really is no "aside from" all that. I was just amazed that all this was presented as a legitimate argument/point/theory. I was also frightened that it seems the author took time and thought deeply on this.
But, most disturbing of all was the last paragraph:
I suppose it never crossed her mind that "this beautiful sista" may have had more than sexual feelings, that love and caring and respect and liberation may have been more fulfilling than having a fine brotha as her husband.
The author of this post begins by sharing a story of some woman's discontent w/Elise Neal's provocative pose with another woman for King magazine (got that?). This picture is symbolic of black men's attempts to "lesbianize" black females. The author agrees with this brilliant analysis. She warns us that this trend is going to bite men on the butt as they "turn" sisters lesbian--her insightful question: "If women start taking more to women than to men, who then will these men be with?" Her warning is based on keen personal observation:
None of my girlfriends are gay or were gay growing up or ever showed any inclination to being gay, but many have now had homosexual relationships at the urging of their men and they are liking it… A LOT!
OK, aside from the blatant anti-gay tone, the "warning" that straight black females are on the verge of becoming endangered, the belief that people can be "turned gay," the creation of some social "problem" from a picture that was designed to excite viewers, the presentation off questionable information to support the theory... well, there really is no "aside from" all that. I was just amazed that all this was presented as a legitimate argument/point/theory. I was also frightened that it seems the author took time and thought deeply on this.
But, most disturbing of all was the last paragraph:
This beautiful Sista had twin girls and a fine Brotha as her husband, but she threw that away to carry on her lesbian lifestyle. In other words, she took away her children's Father so she could do nothing more than have sex with other women.
I suppose it never crossed her mind that "this beautiful sista" may have had more than sexual feelings, that love and caring and respect and liberation may have been more fulfilling than having a fine brotha as her husband.
Saturday, February 18, 2006
My Figurative Bookshelf
Copied this black history meme on black literature from Mon. Feel free to complete it! For my friends who don't blog, send it to me in an e-mail. I'd like to know what you read. Not so happy with my performance on this list--but I promise, I've read LOTS of scholarly books and a sufficiently indecent number of popular ones.
Bold the books you've read.
*Star the titles you own or you've read more than once.*
Italicize the books plan to read.
Strike out any books you have no interest in reading.
??Use question marks to indicate titles/authors you've never heard of??
Assata: An Autobiography--Assata Shakur
*The Autobiography of Malcolm X--Malcolm X/Alex Haley*
The Bondwoman's Narrative--Hannah Crafts/Henry Louis Gates
The Bluest Eye--Toni Morrison
Cane--Jean Toomer
??Cane River--Lalita Tademy??
Chasing Destiny--Eric Jerome Dickey
*The Coldest Winter Ever--Sister Souljah*
The Color Purple--Alice Walker
??Crossing the Mangrove--Maryse Conde??
??Death and the King's Horseman--Wole Soyinka??
Devil in a Blue Dress--Walter Moseley
Dreams of My Father--Barack Obama
The Fire Next Time--James Baldwin
Fences--August Wilson
Holler If You Hear Me--Michael Eric Dyson
*Invisible Life—E. Lynn Harris*
Invisible Man--Ralph Ellison
??Joys of Motherhood--Buchi Emecheta??
Jubilee--Margaret Walker
??Kindred--Octavia Butler??
??Krik?Krak!--Edwidge Danticat??
Life and Def--Russell Simmons
*The Life and Times of Frederick Douglass--Frederick Douglass*
Mama--Terry McMillan
Manchild in the Promised Land--Claude Brown
Measure of Our Success--Marian Wright Edelman
Men Cry in the Dark--Michael Baisden
The Mis-Education of the Negro--Carter G. Woodson
Native Son--Richard Wright
*Nervous Conditions--Tsitsi Dangarembga*
Nigger: The Strange Career of a Troublesome Word--Randall Kennedy
??Omeros--Derek A. Walcott??
On The Down Low--J. L. King
Our Nig--Harriet E. Wilson
Race Matters--Cornel West
*A Raisin in the Sun--Lorraine Hansberry*
??72 Hour Hold--Bebe Moore Campbell??
*Sex Chronicles—Zane*
Sister Outsider--Audre Lorde
??So Long a Letter--Mariama Ba??
Soul on Ice--Eldridge Cleaver
*The Souls of Black Folks--W.E.B. Du Bois*
Shine--Star Jones Reynolds
The Street--Ann Petry
*Their Eyes Were Watching God--Zora Neale Hurston*
Things Fall Apart--Chinua Achebe
??Thomas and Beulah--Rita Dove??
Up From Slavery--Booker T. Washington
*When and Where I Enter--Paula Giddings*
Bold the books you've read.
*Star the titles you own or you've read more than once.*
Italicize the books plan to read.
??Use question marks to indicate titles/authors you've never heard of??
Assata: An Autobiography--Assata Shakur
*The Autobiography of Malcolm X--Malcolm X/Alex Haley*
The Bondwoman's Narrative--Hannah Crafts/Henry Louis Gates
The Bluest Eye--Toni Morrison
Cane--Jean Toomer
??Cane River--Lalita Tademy??
*The Coldest Winter Ever--Sister Souljah*
The Color Purple--Alice Walker
??Crossing the Mangrove--Maryse Conde??
??Death and the King's Horseman--Wole Soyinka??
Devil in a Blue Dress--Walter Moseley
Dreams of My Father--Barack Obama
The Fire Next Time--James Baldwin
Fences--August Wilson
*Invisible Life—E. Lynn Harris*
Invisible Man--Ralph Ellison
??Joys of Motherhood--Buchi Emecheta??
Jubilee--Margaret Walker
??Kindred--Octavia Butler??
??Krik?Krak!--Edwidge Danticat??
*The Life and Times of Frederick Douglass--Frederick Douglass*
Mama--Terry McMillan
Manchild in the Promised Land--Claude Brown
Measure of Our Success--Marian Wright Edelman
The Mis-Education of the Negro--Carter G. Woodson
Native Son--Richard Wright
*Nervous Conditions--Tsitsi Dangarembga*
Nigger: The Strange Career of a Troublesome Word--Randall Kennedy
??Omeros--Derek A. Walcott??
Our Nig--Harriet E. Wilson
Race Matters--Cornel West
*A Raisin in the Sun--Lorraine Hansberry*
??72 Hour Hold--Bebe Moore Campbell??
*Sex Chronicles—Zane*
Sister Outsider--Audre Lorde
??So Long a Letter--Mariama Ba??
Soul on Ice--Eldridge Cleaver
*The Souls of Black Folks--W.E.B. Du Bois*
The Street--Ann Petry
*Their Eyes Were Watching God--Zora Neale Hurston*
Things Fall Apart--Chinua Achebe
??Thomas and Beulah--Rita Dove??
Up From Slavery--Booker T. Washington
*When and Where I Enter--Paula Giddings*
Depression Realization #1
What the hell is wrong with me?
1) I attribute the cause of this latest episode to a number of factors:
a) my beloved father is very ill and started dialysis, which I HATE!
b) (and this whole confession reveals that I'm a baaad feminist, but an honest one) my heart has been broken yet again by a repeat culprit. Why do I keep letting him do it? You know the standard, "But I love him." But there's also the reason that everyone fusses at me for: I have low self-esteem. No, in 31 years, I haven't learned to embrace mysef and my body. Oh, my friends reassure me that I'm beautiful inside and out and that the men in my life have just been whimpering idiots, but, they say it from the comfort of their marriages and knowing they won't be alone. Again. Tonight. Bitchy of me, but that's how I feel.
c) Writing a dissertation is hard :-)
d) I need to find a med and stick with it--at least til I finish school. :-p I abandon them as soon as I feel better or a soon as "the problem" clears up. To be fair, the latest gave me the dismal side effect of widespread, horrible itching.
So, that's the self diagnosis. Other realizations to come.
1) I attribute the cause of this latest episode to a number of factors:
a) my beloved father is very ill and started dialysis, which I HATE!
b) (and this whole confession reveals that I'm a baaad feminist, but an honest one) my heart has been broken yet again by a repeat culprit. Why do I keep letting him do it? You know the standard, "But I love him." But there's also the reason that everyone fusses at me for: I have low self-esteem. No, in 31 years, I haven't learned to embrace mysef and my body. Oh, my friends reassure me that I'm beautiful inside and out and that the men in my life have just been whimpering idiots, but, they say it from the comfort of their marriages and knowing they won't be alone. Again. Tonight. Bitchy of me, but that's how I feel.
c) Writing a dissertation is hard :-)
d) I need to find a med and stick with it--at least til I finish school. :-p I abandon them as soon as I feel better or a soon as "the problem" clears up. To be fair, the latest gave me the dismal side effect of widespread, horrible itching.
So, that's the self diagnosis. Other realizations to come.
Depression
I've been reading some posts over at mistaken grad student about the funk she's been going through. To say I feel her pain is an understatement. Most of the new year has passed by in a blur for me because I have been incredibly unhappy. And while it has eased somewhat, there is still this vast, achy expanse inside me. I think the title of her blog "Opinionated and Fragile" fits me, too. I feel like I'm holding myself together with really cheap thread and another strong gust will result in the Disintegrated Pile Formerly Known as Elle.
I want to get better though and in trying to understand what the hell is wrong with me, I've realized some things. They'll follow...
I want to get better though and in trying to understand what the hell is wrong with me, I've realized some things. They'll follow...
Friday, February 17, 2006
An En-gay-ging Mommy Question
Lengthy post, but I need help...
Okay, here is a mommy insight on which I apparently have no insight. My seven-year-old (who was much cuter and easier to understand when he was the 3 year old in this picture) has become familiar with the term "gay,"--not a problem in and of itself. The problem is, he's submitted to the not-so-pleasant knee-jerk world of the playground and decided that the word "gay" and being "gay" are negative things. I noted his knowledge initially because he eavesdropped on a conversation in which I was describing Brokeback Mountain to my cousin, whom I shall call T.
After I got off the phone, he asked me, "Mama, what does gay mean?" But with the little smirk that let me know he'd already heard the term before. So, I give a glib, confusing, "You know how some boys and girls like each other? Like, like each other? Well, some boys like other boys and some girls like other girls in that way." Okay, besides being woefully insufficient, this definition got off on the wrong foot because it references heterosexuality as a norm. I admit that. But I worried if I made a big deal out of it, like, "Let's sit down and have a talk," he'd assume that this was something "different." Now, while different is not bad, the judgments I'm scared he'll make--being a young, black male already thoroughly enchanted with hip-hop culture--may not be acceptable to me. So, I went with an it's-no-big-deal approach: problematic in and of itself bcause it ignores just how much negativity this society and our own culture has generated around "gay" and apparently, not much of a match for my son's curiosity b/c his next question was, "Why?" To which, I waved a hand and said "Just because it's like that. Now quit listening to grown folk's conversation."
Thought I bought my cowardly self some time. Poor, naive Elle. Did anyone else know that homophobes had a vested interest in passing their beliefs and thoughts on to your children? Wow, did the world intrude on my son and me on this issue!
First came ignorant male relative (IMR) who came to visit last month. My son mentioned that I'd seen Brokeback Mountain and that he knew it had gay cowboys. IMR looked at me with wide eyes and said, "You're teaching him about that?" I bite the inside of my lip, keep folding clothes, and finally say, "About what?" "About gay," IMR says, his face contorted, "Are you teaching him that it's okay to be gay?" The kid is standing right there while he's saying this. "What I'm teaching him (and now I know I should have said, is none of your damned business, but i said) is that yes, it's okay, and even if some ignorant jackass (I think he got the hint) says it's not okay, it's none of their business anyway."
Okay, at this point, I'm feeling no victory, first b/c he questioned me in front of my kid and second, I've trivialized being gay into something that gets a judgment of okay or not okay. But, I repeat, I simply had no idea what to say or do. So I called in my sister and I called up the cousin with whom I had discussed Brokeback Mountain so we could launch a politically incorrect--because we're ignorant in our own ways--but motivated-by-the-right-intentions attack. IMR tried to hold his ground: "You're saying God made them like that?"
Now, here I don't know what to say. Because I do believe some people are born gay. But I have a gay friend who doesn't want to explore that b/c he's scared scientists will locate some "gay" gene and people will start to abort all the "gay" babies. But, cousin on speakerphone says, "You know damned well there are some kids here (in our small hometown) who you've known from the start were gay." And my sis nods. So, I don't have to speak on that one.
IMR's next attack: "Why would you discuss that with a kid?" I do open my mouth for this one. "He sees and hears about heterosexuality all the time. Why is that any more appropriate?" To which he grunts and rolls his eyes.
Did I mention that the kid is standing there for all of this? Eventually, IMR, outargued and out-womaned, turns to the kid and says, "Some people are gay. And you shouldn't not like them because they are. But I don't agree with it."
But, apparently, the kid wants to talk more about it, so he takes the issue to school. His teacher is an old-school, 60+-year-old, "God-fearin'" sista, whom I generally like. But, apparently, she was so appalled that he knew about "gay" that she made him look it up in the school dictionary. He comes home to report, "Mama, Ms. P says that all gay means is 'happy.' I had to look it up and that's what it says." Which, confuses him more, because he knows gay doesn't "just mean happy." And now thanks, to all the outside interference, I'm back at square one.
So, as of now, I'm taking the inefficient, "public-school-approach-to-Black-history-month" approach on this. What that entails is this: for the month of February, instead of discussing a few, overused examples of black people outside of any context and calling it a celebration of black history, I'm discussing a few examples of gay people outside of any context and calling it "why it's okay to be gay." Example 1: "Kid, remember when I went to DC a while back? I went to see Uncle J. You know how you love Uncle J. Well, I stayed with him and his boyfriend and they had the best, most-loving relationship in the world and I had the best, most fun time in the world and we all lived happily ever after." Example 2: "Kid, you remember C who used to take you to the playground when I was teaching and going to school and too busy for everything? You know how you love C. Well, he's gay and he is the coolest person in the world and the best spur-of-the-moment babysitter in the world and we're all gonna live..."
Well, you get the picture. This approach is not working, however, as I heard my son hiss to my nephew last night that if nephew did something, nephew was "gon' be gay." This was definitely meant as a warning, which spurred me to issue my own, not-so-polite warning.
I don't want to raise a bigot, y'all. Suggestions?
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Here's a first...
My first professional picture will be the first uploaded to my blog. This is me 30 years ago. I have no idea why I have big red rubberbands with a little blue-and-white dress. I didn't inherit my keen fashion sense from my mom, apparently.
Oh, Ms. Procrastinator
My next chapter is due by March 20. Not much time to write 30-50 pages, the normal person would think. But Elle? Oh, no. I'm perfectly content to play around with the intro until March 1, spend the next week trying to fill in, and then lose my whole spring break writing madly at the last moment. And then, all my supportive friends and family will embrace me and say, "Poor, Elle. We understand why you're always stressed or depressed. How dare your advisor expect you, a grown, intelligent woman who realizes it is time to finish and who spends most days at home in front of the computer anyway, to spend your time writing and meeting deadlines? The pressure!"
Indeed.
So, in the spirit of procrastination, while trying to write no more than 100 words per day on the dissertation, I'm going to start fooling with how the blog looks. No, I don't have some niche of thousands of readers who want more appealing eye candy. I'm just jealous of other blogs' designs. And, I'm a Delta--there's only so much pink I can stand. :-) I'm reading up on easy blog design, etc. But, I am that stereotypical female who breaks out in hives when she attempts to read too much non-liberal-artsy stuff. So, don't be surprised if you come back in a month and this thing looks exactly the same...
And I'm trolling for sympathy because the next chapter is due.
PS In my academic writing, I don't start every sentence with a conjunction or interjection. And, I'm telling the truth. So, I hope you believe me. But, don't take my word for it. Oh, go ask my advisor!
Indeed.
So, in the spirit of procrastination, while trying to write no more than 100 words per day on the dissertation, I'm going to start fooling with how the blog looks. No, I don't have some niche of thousands of readers who want more appealing eye candy. I'm just jealous of other blogs' designs. And, I'm a Delta--there's only so much pink I can stand. :-) I'm reading up on easy blog design, etc. But, I am that stereotypical female who breaks out in hives when she attempts to read too much non-liberal-artsy stuff. So, don't be surprised if you come back in a month and this thing looks exactly the same...
And I'm trolling for sympathy because the next chapter is due.
PS In my academic writing, I don't start every sentence with a conjunction or interjection. And, I'm telling the truth. So, I hope you believe me. But, don't take my word for it. Oh, go ask my advisor!
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Shallow Gal
A cousin just read my blog for the first time--she wasted not one moment sending me an e-mail blasting me for the "shallowness" of the last line of my "about me": "Oh, and 'she's pretty, too'." That phrase, according to this wise relative of mine "undoes all that [my] blog is trying to do."
Hold on! Apparently, I need to give that some context as I thought it would be immediately apparent I was going for a sarcastic/cynical mix. I didn't write that--I may have thought it during my 20s while preening in front of a mirror--but that quote comes from someone else. You see, one day in one of my grad classes, one of my professors was praising some "astounding" piece of work I did and my abilities in general. Said professor went on at length (sometimes I wonder, though I appreciate the fact that they regard me so highly, if my MA/PhD professors are particularly amazed by my ability or the fact that that ability comes wrapped in the body of a fat black woman, but that's another post) about my skill. After the impromptu speech, one of my classmates, God bless him, because he really was trying to be sweet and funny, said something like "All that, and she's pretty, too." As if that was the TRULY amazing thing. As if intelligence and aesthetics... ah well, you've heard that all before.
Anyway, I'm not quite that shallow. I know that "pretty is as pretty does," and I'm much more concerned with how ugly the inner me is sometimes.
Nonetheless, I think I'll be deleting that phrase.
Hold on! Apparently, I need to give that some context as I thought it would be immediately apparent I was going for a sarcastic/cynical mix. I didn't write that--I may have thought it during my 20s while preening in front of a mirror--but that quote comes from someone else. You see, one day in one of my grad classes, one of my professors was praising some "astounding" piece of work I did and my abilities in general. Said professor went on at length (sometimes I wonder, though I appreciate the fact that they regard me so highly, if my MA/PhD professors are particularly amazed by my ability or the fact that that ability comes wrapped in the body of a fat black woman, but that's another post) about my skill. After the impromptu speech, one of my classmates, God bless him, because he really was trying to be sweet and funny, said something like "All that, and she's pretty, too." As if that was the TRULY amazing thing. As if intelligence and aesthetics... ah well, you've heard that all before.
Anyway, I'm not quite that shallow. I know that "pretty is as pretty does," and I'm much more concerned with how ugly the inner me is sometimes.
Nonetheless, I think I'll be deleting that phrase.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
On South Dakota...
Does it bear repeating all the reasons that I, and so many other people who share the radical notion that women should have control over their bodies and reproductive choices, am so opposed to the SD bill? I just don't feel like it right now. Instead, I'll focus on the fact that they would ban abortion in the cases of incest and rape. Religious conservative LaShawn Barber has provided a reason for this: though some violent, hateful man may have meant the attack for "bad," it is possible that God meant a resultant pregnancy for "good." My sister, in her usual pithy way, summed up with the response, "My God, it'd be a double violation."
And it would. How dare some smug, I-know-what-God-wants "pro-lifer" mandate that, not only would a woman have to bear the brunt of a vicious attack, or series of attacks, she would also have to bear the mental and physical anguish of an unplanned, unwanted pregnancy and giving birth to a child who is part of someone who terrorized her? I remember watching some show on which a woman had been forced to carry to term a pregnancy that resulted from rape. She had never bonded with her daughter; the reason, in her words: "Every time I look at that child, I see that man's face." Not all of us have the amazing powers of forgiveness or the miraculous ability to see and interpret God's plan. Not all of us can focus on what He might mean for good when we are hurting so badly.
If you have not been the survivor of a sexual assault--and I doubt that anyone who would support a bill like this has--you cannot imagine what it does to your mind, to who you are. In those horrible, horrible moments, you have no control over what happens to your body. That the state of South Dakota seeks to prolong this feeling of powerlessness and lack of control is inhuman. It bears witness to the fact that they only care about certain lives and about the quality of life of none.
The right to choice should be protected for all women in all circumstances. But this issue, these circumstances, are particularly close to my heart. So, I have to abandon the soft-spokenness, for once and say to the SD House and its supporters:
Get your damned religious agenda, your fucking misplaced self-righteousness, and your generally disgusting ignorance of other people's realities out of my life and off my body.
And it would. How dare some smug, I-know-what-God-wants "pro-lifer" mandate that, not only would a woman have to bear the brunt of a vicious attack, or series of attacks, she would also have to bear the mental and physical anguish of an unplanned, unwanted pregnancy and giving birth to a child who is part of someone who terrorized her? I remember watching some show on which a woman had been forced to carry to term a pregnancy that resulted from rape. She had never bonded with her daughter; the reason, in her words: "Every time I look at that child, I see that man's face." Not all of us have the amazing powers of forgiveness or the miraculous ability to see and interpret God's plan. Not all of us can focus on what He might mean for good when we are hurting so badly.
If you have not been the survivor of a sexual assault--and I doubt that anyone who would support a bill like this has--you cannot imagine what it does to your mind, to who you are. In those horrible, horrible moments, you have no control over what happens to your body. That the state of South Dakota seeks to prolong this feeling of powerlessness and lack of control is inhuman. It bears witness to the fact that they only care about certain lives and about the quality of life of none.
The right to choice should be protected for all women in all circumstances. But this issue, these circumstances, are particularly close to my heart. So, I have to abandon the soft-spokenness, for once and say to the SD House and its supporters:
Get your damned religious agenda, your fucking misplaced self-righteousness, and your generally disgusting ignorance of other people's realities out of my life and off my body.
An Exercise in Futility
For my pitifully few computer literate friends, could you do this Johari window thingy for me?
Overreacting, My Ass...
...I mean, Alito's barely sworn in and already, South Dakota is working on eroding women's rights. This is from the Baptist Press, which I'm taking the liberty of quoting as I am, um, Baptist:
"In a direct challenge to the U.S. Supreme Court's 1973 Roe v. Wade decision, the South Dakota House of Representatives easily passed a bill Feb. 9 that would ban nearly all abortions in the state."
Oh, and it gets better:
"Opponents of the bill tried unsuccessfully Feb. 9 to add an amendment making an exception for rape and incest."
Okay, my insomnia means that I am awake, but it does not imply that I am thinking cogently. There is so much that I want to say about this blatant disregard for privacy and freedom and control over one's own body, but I have to shape this pissed-off disbelief into words.
So, I'll address this tomorrow...right after I finish the intro to the next chapter of the DISSERTATION!!!
(That's how I feel about that thing, like it's big and looming and overshadowing my damn life.)
"In a direct challenge to the U.S. Supreme Court's 1973 Roe v. Wade decision, the South Dakota House of Representatives easily passed a bill Feb. 9 that would ban nearly all abortions in the state."
Oh, and it gets better:
"Opponents of the bill tried unsuccessfully Feb. 9 to add an amendment making an exception for rape and incest."
Okay, my insomnia means that I am awake, but it does not imply that I am thinking cogently. There is so much that I want to say about this blatant disregard for privacy and freedom and control over one's own body, but I have to shape this pissed-off disbelief into words.
So, I'll address this tomorrow...right after I finish the intro to the next chapter of the DISSERTATION!!!
(That's how I feel about that thing, like it's big and looming and overshadowing my damn life.)
Monday, February 13, 2006
Umm...
I really don't have much to say (I haven't had much to say in the last week, you'll note), but my liberal bias compels me to comment on the fact that our vice president shot someone. And not even in the cool, I-challenge-you-to-a-duel manner of the great Aaron Burr (ha-ha). Oh no. This was a hunting, ahem, accident.
On second thought, this might be too absurd to even comment on.
Except to mention that all Michelle Malkin can think about is how the Dick, great servant of his country, is going to be maligned by liberals. She said that, really, though I am paraphrasing.
Isn't the shooting of another, innocent (though he appears to be a conservative and friend to the Dick so my sympathy is really more of the generic, hope-you-get-well type than any personal concern :-) human being kind of a self-maligning act? Don't you malign yourself by doing that?
God, he's such a.... um... let me think... well, for lack of a better word...
DICK!
On second thought, this might be too absurd to even comment on.
Except to mention that all Michelle Malkin can think about is how the Dick, great servant of his country, is going to be maligned by liberals. She said that, really, though I am paraphrasing.
Isn't the shooting of another, innocent (though he appears to be a conservative and friend to the Dick so my sympathy is really more of the generic, hope-you-get-well type than any personal concern :-) human being kind of a self-maligning act? Don't you malign yourself by doing that?
God, he's such a.... um... let me think... well, for lack of a better word...
DICK!
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