Sunday, February 03, 2008

Aggravation

So once her mom put her out, my parents and I started to help care for Alexandria, though she lived primarily with her girlfriend.

After three weeks, a talk with the pastor, and dealing with her issues about "what people are saying," Alexandria's mom decided she should come home. But she didn't just tell her she should come home. She threatened to get the police involved again--if Alex wouldn't come home voluntarily she'd ship her to a girl's home.

Initially, Alex chose the home. But after tears, pleas, and arguments from her girlfriend, my best friend, another friend, and me, she went home.

I worry, of course, but I really try to put myself in her mom's place.

She really believes Alex is going to hell because she's a lesbian.

She really believes Alex is the most rebellious teen ever and that her (the mom's) reactions and disapproval and repeatedly putting her out have nothing to do with that.

She really believes I should have, hell, could have influenced Alex in some way. Basically, she is mad that Alex and her girlfriend have been around me together. She expected more from me, she says. Something is not quite right about me, she has decided. In short, she has displaced a lot of her negative feelings about a whole lot of things onto me.

I'm trying to figure out how to deal with it. On the one hand, I have friends telling me to let it ride--she expected that I shared her beliefs. She's a bit insecure because it seems that Alex has bonded better with another mother figure. She really just didn't know me and is surprised.

And in a sense, I am trying to wash my hands of it. But, in another way, I can't. She's beginning to attack my character--because I am not against Alex's relationship with her girlfriend, because I love Alex despite the fact that she does need to humble herself and learn to listen sometimes, I have become, in her view, a "bad" person.

And I have asked her, "When you put her out, did you expect me to turn my back?"

She said no, but that seems to be exactly what she expected.

Sometimes, I really regret moving back here.

5 comments:

Sylvia/M said...

you're doing what you feel is right. and i think alex recognizes that. sometimes you have to keep doing what you feel is right even as people try to make you say you were wrong.

alex's mother doesn't recognize the position you were in. and hopefully, when alex is able to strike out on her own, she'll realize what position you were in later. but right now she probably does feel replaced and confused and discouraged because she's holding fast to what she feels is the best thing for her daughter.

but you shouldn't have any regrets because you're doing the right thing. you're being a blessing to a lot of people, even if they don't realize it now. hold fast to that. *hug*

JustMe said...

i agree with sylvia, you are a wonderful person. hang in there.

ALEXANDRIA said...

well i am alex and I KNOW THAT YOU AREA WONDERFUL PERSON. And if you were to read my blog that i posted after you did yours you would find that i agree with the theory of her being jealous because i found another motherly figure one that loved me regardless of the fact that im a lesbian. I LOVE YOU AND THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING

Joan Kelly said...

I'm grateful that a youngster has someone like you to turn to.

And, well, I hope if you see this Alexandria that you also know that being a lesbian is not something to love you "in spite of," it's not a flaw to be accepted by generous-minded others. It's a beautiful thing to love anybody, and so it's a beautiful thing about you, who you love.

ms.cripchick said...

*hug hug hug*

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