Friday, July 27, 2007

Why Mastering Homemade Desserts Is Going to Be Slightly More Dificult than I Anticipated

The setting: elle, prone on a bed, giddy yet strangely nostalgic as today was the last day of summer school. Suddenly, my sister throws open the door.

Sis: Girl, are you alive?

Me: Barely.

Sis: Well, I cooked. elle, you should've seen the big bag of rice Daddy brought me. And I guess I must've been thinking like him, cuz I cooked way too much rice.

Me: indistinguishable-but-sympathetic grunt.

Sis: Anyway, I'ma put you some on a plate for you and throw the rest out.

Me: (For the first time, a spark of interest makes me rise partially from my repose). Nuh-uh. I'ma call Mama and get her to tell me how to make rice pudding.

Sis: Okay.

So, I call ma mère, who's away at a convention. We exchange pleasantries, and then I jump in.

Me: Ma, how do I make rice pudding?

Mama: Oh, y'all ate rice?

Me: Mm-hmm.

Mama: With what?

Me: Sis cooked rice and fried some chicken. Now, ma-

Mama: Well, boil your rice.

Me: Ma!

Mama: Okay. Put you some eggs in there.

Me: How many?

Mama: Three. (This will be the last clear direction). And some sugar.

Me: How much sugar?

Mama: You know I can't tell you that, baby.

Me: Like half a cup or a cup or what, Ma?

Mama: Half a cup.

Me: (sounding doubtful) For rice, Mama? Half a cup enough for rice?

Mama: (in that sarcastic/reprimanding blend) Well, put what you think since you know.

Me: Okay. What else?

Mama: Uh, some milk. Add some milk.

Me: How much, Mama?

Mama: elle! Enough. Get it wet.

Me: Okay.

Mama: But not soupy. You know wet, but not soupy.

Me: Yes, ma'am. That's all?

Mama: Yeah--no, no. Vanilla flavoring.

Me: Like a capful?

Mama: Whatever looks right.

Me: (put upon sigh) Anything else? What about butter?

Mama: Your sister put butter in the rice, didn't she?

Me: Probably, but I like lots of butter.

Mama: Well put it in. But not too much, elle. Just-

Me: Enough.

Mama: Mm-hmm. And you could put some cinnamon if you like it. I don't like it.

Debate about temperature at which to cook ensues. Mama issues a last minute"Just bake it long enough!" Parting pleasantries exchanged.
Rice pudding going into the oven:

An aside: Chocolate cake from Sunday dinner. It tasted better than my limited decorating skills would indicate.


brownfemi said...

BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! I love this!!!!

how did the stuff turn out? SOunds like I would prefer to eat the cake over the rice pudding, quite frankly--but you never know!! :p

oh, don't forget raisins, too--i love raisins in my rice pudding.

Veronica said...

Hee :) No, "Toss some _____ in there?" When I get vague recipes it always involve some "tossing."

Anonymous said...

i love it! my mom gives me recipes in the exact same way. sometimes she will measure things by her handfuls, which are very different than my handfuls...

RageyOne said...

sounds like old skool directions. :) how did it turn out?

the cake looks yummy!

Quinn said...

sounds exactly like my mom-in-law trying to teach us to cook Indian dishes.

Gwyneth Bolton said...

I love mama's cooking directions. LOL.


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