A dip in the emotions. One that I hope is temporary.
I don't think I'm all that sad... just not happy right now.
I'm feeling decidedly sorry for myself, I think. A little wallowing because I'm tired, more than a bit lonely, missing my own space, and wondering what happens now. In the last couple of days, I've had tears like, right behind my eyes and a tingly nose.
Then, as usual, I feel badly, because I have a good life in most ways. And my mom can look at me and tell--she says, "What is meant for you will come. Stop rushing!"
Usually, I am content with that. But sometimes, my mind is in a million places and I want to know. What will happen as my child approaches teenagehood--what if I "lose" him? What will happen with my career, the one that I'm just starting when most of my friends and family are settling in? What will happen with my personal life as I am acutely aware of my status as the only "single" among my friends? I battle that one all the time--part of me usually content with the other relationships in my life, part of me admitting that, no matter how weak or contradictory or unfulfilled or whatever it makes me seem, I do miss having a "real" significant other.
What am I willing to accept may never be part of my life--will I be happy spending the rest of my life unattached? just getting by? being bossy and trying to fix everything for everyone else while some tiny portion of me sometimes wants someone to smooth my way (and isn't that last thought petty and self-important)? Will I regret my decision to have no more children? to become a professional historian rather than some other thing for which I may have had an affinity?
Every once in a while those things and more settle on me, on my mind, and I can't shake them. And I know me--by this weekend, I'll probably be fine. But for now...