Friday, April 30, 2010

Fomenting the Mommy Wars

Or maybe the mommy/non-mommy wars, as for some people, motherhood seems to be the only reference for women's identity.

So, Luisita Lopez Torregrosa wrote an article entitled "Childless by Choice," in which she discusses her decision not to have children or get married, how she enjoys her life, and how she's felt distance grow between her married, "child-filled" friends and herself. In other words, she's describing her life.

I didn't like the blanket statement here:
Take women with children, especially with young children. They get together -- at the park, at the grocery, at play dates – and can talk about nothing else but their beautiful, brilliant, amazing children.
When I did manage to get with my girlfriends when my kid was small, the last thing we wanted to talk about was the kids. We wanted mixed drinks and a break. I didn't like the generalization, but I don't doubt for a minute that might be her experience and again, she's describing her life.

Which should be just fine, right?

Wrong! The AOL lede/link to the story is "Woman's Column May Anger Moms."* Because all moms decide other women's lives must be read through and judged by moms' experiences and because we get blazingly angry that all women don't make the same choices.

Or something.
*Sorry, y'all, wanted to provide a screen capture, but my en-virus laptop is not cooperating. As of right now you can go here, and click to page 5 of 9 in the little lead stories box to see the link.


Kate said...

I'm with you -- when I get together with friends with kids, we hardly ever talk about the kids (except to say, Stop hitting her! or Don't put that in your mouth!). It's such a relief to de-mommy for a few minutes in between the parenting.

Also, since the author doesn't have children, how does she have insight into what a mothers-only conversation looks like? Can she transform into a fly on the wall? Is she using anecdotal information from snatching 2-3 minutes of overheard conversation from a few women? Ugh.

Richa said...

Being single, I have had that experience more often than not. And it's not about talking about their kids. It's about judging me by their standard. As I am not married or have kids, they presume that I must be lonely, wouldn't have anything to do on the weekends, will have an empty schedule and should feel obliged when and if they give me their time.

It's the attitude that bugs me. Somehow they, being so busy, are superior than me. I am this poor, lonely woman. I hate that. I love my life as it is. Why do I need to conform to their standards? Why can't they understand that people can be happy otherwise too? Why am I always viewed with pity? I resent that.

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