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...is that it's hard for me right now. The words, despite temporary blocks, used to come easily. I've been looking through my archives, and I realize I used to come here and tell the silliest stories--sometimes with a point, sometimes with absolutely none.
And then I realized, I don't feel free to do that anymore. I have these self-imposed standards, this habit of comparing myself to others and judging myself way insufficient. I always want to say something profound and meaningful and... right. Like, I play posts out in my head a million times to try to figure out the ways they might be perceived. For example, the post with pictures of my son below--it took me a while to put that up because I have so many feelings about the military in general and about who the military uses and how it uses them and the effects on our communities. But on the other hand, my child loves Coti and he was glad to share that day with her.
So, I'm trying to reclaim my blog, trying to make it personal, political, silly, serious, reflective of the whole me.
8 comments:
I am new to your blog - found you through Professor Zero - but I just want to throw out some words of encouragement here. I hear you on trying to figure out the voice of your blog, esp. if you read TONS of them like I do, wish you were writing as seemingly freely and/or passionately and/or sharply as others do, and simultaneously are ambivalent or nervous about how free you can be in your own public-private space that is a blog. I encourage you to keep up the personalization that you seem to bring to your blog (as I get to know it), but I know it makes me feel really vulnerable when I start to get too personal - and by this I mean providing details about my life and/or revealing how strongly I feel about things (actually the latter is more frightening). Anyway, just wanted to say you're not alone in feeling this way...
PS: Congrats to your family on the new arrivals! I can feel the warmth among you all as you describe your close, extended family. Reminds me of my own so I like hearing about your kin. :)
I feel your pain Elle and know exactly where you are coming from. I've been struggling with blog posts since my move back home and finding my voice. I feel like I am in such a different space than when I started the blog. It has been difficult and I'm trudging along.
Keep at it and you'll get there. We'll also be reading and commenting. :)
Tell me about it. You want a REAL shock, try "coming out" and posting under your own name. I don't feel comfortable posting about anything personal or even silly any more.
Hope you can get back in the groove, though. It's definitely frustrating to me that I can't.
Don't let it get you down. Sure, we all want to use our blogs to put down serious thoughts and effect some change, but sometimes we need to post pictures of cats with reindeer horns or videos of the horrific music we listened to in high school. Just relax and roll with it.
what they said. there are many facets to elle, and many complexities. those who see these complexities will not think less of you, only more. love your blog, no matter it's form!
*HUGS*
Dr. Elle, I know just how you feel. Sometimes maybe you just have to pretend you don't have any readers at all, so you can say whatever you want. It helps me, anyway.
I am right there with you, and you know whatever you need I'll be here for ya. *hug*
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